and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
