there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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