Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
