my phone needs a breathalizer
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I'm at about main and main street
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
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