Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
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