Please, let me fuck your mom
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
