you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
