it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
