Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
