I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
