I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
