So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
