Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
