dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
We need a shit load of segways right now
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
