i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
