I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
