now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Randomize
