I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
