I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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