the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
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