I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
i think i just lost a toe
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
