Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
