I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
