u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Randomize
