Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Randomize
