Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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