you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
worst night to have a conscience
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
