You really coming over, don't trick.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
