My first STD was from a foam party
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
