you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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