Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
