It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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