can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
the liver wants what the liver wants
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Randomize
