HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
