I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
You ate ashes out of my bong
Randomize
