They should really pass out barf bags in church
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize