I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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