WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize