Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
We left an ass print on the piano.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
