Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Randomize
