so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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