careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize