I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
