she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Who died my cat blue again?
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Randomize
