After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
