i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
