He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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