I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
