shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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