Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
