Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I booty called her while she was in labor.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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