I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
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