What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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