Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Randomize
