I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
