uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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