this beer tastes like vomit already
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Randomize
