At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
