If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
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