do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
