p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
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