3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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