Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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