Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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