when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
