i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
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