i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
