Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize